Following Your Star

I have no gold nor fragrant oil

Sealed in an alabaster jar;

I have never set foot on desert soil,

But, still, I'm following Your star.

My journey does not end at Your manger;

For my journey began at Your Cross.

It's a walk of faith through lands of danger

With parted waters to get across.

Its purpose is not the journey's end;

For You have already taken me that far.

The release of things on which I depend

Is why I'm following Your star.

Rip the earthly crutches from my hands;

Tear, off the walls, every safety bar.

Hasten my journey through these lands

To when I finish following Your star.

Hasten the day when I know completely

What a powerful God You are.

Hasten the day when I know completely

What a loving God You are.

Hasten the day when I know completely

What a trustworthy God You are.

Hasten my journey through these lands

To when I finish following Your star.

Flying With Susan

Nineteen years ago today, Susan's Learjet crashed.

Since our first electrical circuits class together, Susan and I had been lab and project partners throughout our years in engineering school at the University of South Carolina.

I convinced her to take the ROTC flight class with me for our senior elective and Susan fell in love with flying. She went on to get certified to fly multiengine aircrafts and qualified to fly Learjets.

Shortly after she applied to be a NASA astronaut-candidate, her plane went down.

My phone conversation with her mom, after her crash, was the toughest conversation I have ever had in my entire life. I didn't think I had that much tears. Between her mom and me, we could have flooded the entire state of Texas during that call.

But that phone call was nothing compared to evening that I received the package of Susan's things from her mom. That night, it finally sunk in. I would never see Susan again.

For a whole year, I cried every night. Then, my heart went numb and stayed numb for a very long time. Even today, there's a piece of my heart that, I don't think, I will ever get back.

I googled Susan again, today. The story of her crash is still lingering in cyberspace:

The 1988 Mexico Learjet 24 crash A Lear 24B, N234CM, departed Memphis International Airport on December 16, 1988, heading for Addison, Texas with two crew aboard, including NASA astronaut-candidate Susan Reynolds. After it flew past its destination, the aircraft was intercepted by an Air Force T-38 Talon from the 560th Flying Training Squadron at Randolph AFB, but the pilot was unable to contact the crew. He reported that the cockpit windows appeared to have frost on the inside. The Lear entered Mexican airspace. After exhausting its fuel supply, it entered a spin and crashed near Cuatro Ciénegas in the northern state of Coahuila. The two pilots were killed.

To the news reporters, Susan was a Summa Cum Laude student, an engineer, a pilot, an astronaut candidate. But to me, Susan was the girl that changed my life and taught me to dream BIG. 

Although I had convinced her to take the flight class with me, Susan had been taking me flying long before that.

She flashes you a wicked smile,

Dares you to catch her if you can,

And lets out an infectious laugh

As she spreads out her full wing span.

With a dash and a leap, she soars

Beyond the stratosphere

Next thing you know, she's taking you

To where miracles appear.

Her wings will never be clipped

Her spirit will forever fly.

Whenever you're stuck here on the ground

You'd look for her in the sky.

Let us speak in present tense.

Let us speak in present tense

And leave behind the past:

No blame and no regret,

No recounting who spoke last.

Let us speak in present tense

For the future can wait:

No promise nor expectation,

No agreement to negotiate.

Let us speak in present tense,

Just about me and you.

Let us use words of encouragement

That is long overdue.

Let us speak in present tense.

How did I grow too old to dance in the rain?

This afternoon, heaven suddenly opened up and poured down rain, sending pedestrians scrambling for cover.

I slipped into a nearby coffee shop and found a table by the window. As I slowly took each sip, I stared out, waiting for the rain to stop.

Outside, among the rushing crowd, a little girl, with her eyes closed, face lifted skyward, and arms extended, swirled around and around taking in the sensation of the falling water drops upon her face. When she stopped spinning, she started to hop from puddle to puddle, laughing and giggling as frustrated shoppers rushed pass her.

Suddenly, her mother, with tote bags on her arm, ran up, grabbed the little girl by her hand, and took her away, scolding the little girl as they hurried pass the coffee shop window.

How did I grow too old

To dance in the rain?

When did life rob me

Of that pleasure?

Why did music stop

Running through my vein?

When did I stop hearing

Every measure?

How did I become blind

To life's simple joys?

When did thunderclouds

Stop smiles from shining?

Why am I too refined

To run like little boys?

When did I aged so

From my own whining?

I made the mistake of venturing to the mall.

I made the mistake

Of venturing to the mall,

The land of sales clerks

With mannequin smiles,

Where "You too can be

Beautiful, blonde, and tall"

Screams the posters at the ends

Of merchandise aisles.

Buying products to prove

Your adequateness

Is your fundamental

Constitutional right.

The American

Pursuit of happiness

Is guaranteed under

Bright florescent light.

Things to put envy

In your neighbor's eyes

Are on sale for

Thirty percent off.

The temporary joys

Of dubious buys

Draw hungry shoppers

To the feeding trough.

Star-bellied Sneetches

And plain-bellied Sneetches

Running through Sylvester McMonkey McBea's car,

Stop and learn what Dr. Zeus teaches

And be happy to be

Who you really are!

Call Me Job

What of me do they desire

That Heaven and hell should conspire

To allow the evil one

To feed me a daily dose

Of hell's eternal fire.

Is it not enough that I gave Him my heart?

Must He give it to the evil one to tear apart?

Like some twisted autopsy

Performed, while I still am alive,

By some deranged René Descartes?

I beg for assurance that my faith is not in vain.

A word from heaven would be enough to sustain

What little hope that I have left

To ride out this torturous night

And see Heaven smiling once again.

I cling to the horizon waiting for the sun

For the hour when His will for me would be done

And He would be pleased that I endured.

Thinking of Maggie

Maggie transferred to our school in the sixth grade.

She had the sweetest smile and the kindest soul. She was adored by the little kids in the neighborhood and equally loved by little furry creatures.

She wasn't the "type", that the other guys go gaga over, but, for me, her beauty was radiant.

We were friends and I can't think of anything we couldn't say to each other. Well, except for one thing... I wasn't able to openly profess my feelings to her until the ninth grade.

I had thought that it was well concealed until Maggie's brother, Willie, and I were involved in some activity together (I can't remember which). When I introduced myself to Willie, he said, "I know who you are; you and my sister are sweet on each other." I don't know how red my face turned but I felt my entire face heated up.

As it turned out, Willie wasn't the only one who knew. Evidently, it was obvious to everybody.

When I finally used those three words, Maggie, just as naturally as can be, wrapped her arms around me and held me for an eternity. I was in heaven.

It's been so many years, but my mind still takes me back to that place, when I occasionally allow it to wander.

Once there was a place where love was true,

Where love was love and nothing more,

We kept no secret to misconstrue;

We forgave without keeping score.

This place existed for one moment;

That moment existed for this place.

There, marked the end of my heart's torment.

There, I found a home in her embrace.

Boatman, take me back home again.

I'd empty my pocket for the fare.

Free me from this present time's domain

Find me the river to take me there.